What's the use of being happy when you have no one to be happy with?

Reaching out and reaching in

I've been stopping myself from being more aware of what others are, what they need, what really is out there that needs to be done because I am obsessed with myself. I haven't cared for anything other than my own progress and processes.

I should be content with what I have, what's been granted to me, appreciating the good things, instead of lamenting on self percieved injustices.

"Poor me, poor me..." is the voice I've practiced having. It has to end eventually.

How do I get there? I guess I need to take out the unwillingness to be wrong that shifts things to feeling wronged. I need to stop thinking I am right, I am so small and ignorant compared to the range of things and needs that are out there, be it people or the way the world is, there's no need to try proving myself right all the time. It isn't important to be right. What's important is humility, an introspection, admitting that this is what I am, selfish and cruel, and not wanting it anymore - else I'll just be alone, in my own progress and process that have no meaning to anyone or anything because it is in isolation. An interesting relation: humility - humane. From humus: earth, soil.

I can't be an isolated child anymore. I hate what I've been and done. I hate brats, and I've been the very thing I've hated. This means I don't deserve anyone either, I can't do this to others any longer. I am nothing special. I am the very opposite of that.