catch up

-Is very random, these thoughts of mine, so forgive me if this entry doesn't read clear.-

My bro will be on three month expedition with Khoo Swee Chiow, that guy who climbed Everest, went to the north pole, the south pole, swam the Straits of Malacca, etc. (I've met him before, comes across as very arrogant at times.) This time, he'll be taking on the world's longest journey on inline skates from Shenzhen to Singapore, and my bro would be accompanying him as support, and to archive Khoo's journey.

And what am I doing? Learning how to manage a production, still sorting out my life, learning how to handle finances, work, acquaintances, and my personal life. I need to catch up on my age, for I have been a child.

I am making a promise to get there - to be clear in thoughts and emotions and get used to earning my own keep - and I plan to accomplish much of this in a year, my 27th year.

I have become more resolute, and perhaps might seem colder than before. But, as I have discovered, I still am as sensitive as a touch-me-not when it comes to the things I feel deeply for, and that will not do. For I crumble too much, and cease to do what needs to be done.

As I am starting to be more determined, I'm learning that I have to let go of myself, so I can be more aware of my surroundings and the people about me, so I can give what they need rather than what I think they need, i.e., read more accurately. So I can be more involved, participatory, proactive, rather than watching and waiting for what happens. I have been narrow, tending towards sticking to the first option, the first task, the first reading, the first opinion. And I have depended on what I felt or thought. Now I know I could and should put my feelings aside at times, and accept that others will hang on to how they think and feel too. And with that, I might be better able to discern what is right and wrong for every situation.

Perhaps, when I've learnt to see myself as one of the others rather than force the world to revolve around me, I will see the bigger picture, and I will be ready.