It's been a year since NDR. And where have I gone since then? Still not trying hard enough, a little harder and it feels like done a lot more than before. Well... Not really.

Am still thinking like a student, even though I don't have to anymore. Did I make a mistake, thinking moving away from academic work is right for me? More like I haven't tried hard enough. But I will! I will stop pulling myself away from doing more. It's only a thesis I have left to write. I...

It hasn't been the first time I've thought of ending my life. It's so much easier, isn't it, just one daring leap and all this self-anguish and bitterness and remorse and helplessness will end. But it's not right. I do want to do more. I do want to be happy and successful in my own little way.

I used to have people to lean on, institutions that were secure and would stay. But I had to leave them because they weren't what I really wanted. But after I left, I hadn't learnt to walk yet. And now that the group has ended, another support gave way. Don't think about jumping! Walk first. Walk Terence... Walk.